Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Only way to grow...

Excuse my absence. I had to take some time to really think about what I was going to say. At first I was not going to speak on the subject but then I guess if my blog is titled ‘More Linds’ I have to really dig down and give you more of myself. Or I should say give more of me, to myself. If that makes sense. I’m still not going to go into complete detail of recent events but yea.
I could pull one of my quotes out from my 45 page word document of sayings, quotes, and favorite lyrics. But I am just going to use one of the more recent ones I have come across from last weeks episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Meredith really nailed it on the head with this one.

  • “It's one of those things that people say, you can't move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow.”
I really wish I did not live in never never land. I seriously sometimes have no grasp on reality. I wish/hope things to go one way and they hardly ever do. And this is not just in relationships or situations. This is an everyday thing for me. It stresses me out when things don’t go perfectly out how I have them planned in my head. And although I do always bounce back it does affect me greatly. As I try and change and to think more logically I seriously wonder if I even have a brain sometimes.(sad but true)  I def. walk and see through the eyes in my heart not the ones in my head. At times I wish I was different but other times I do not because it really does make me who I am. And yes, change is good but I don’t want to be cold hearted. Maybe I just need a better balance of the two.

I had a friend tell me once (and forgive me I can’t remember the exact words) they would rather be in a situation with the mind rather than just the heart. This is clearly where I am at. It is just unhealthy and has been for a long time. But then again this person also called me insane I guess do to the fact I keep doing something over and over  again and expecting the different results.

I don’t know and that isn’t the point. I’m in a really tough position right now and just hurt I guess I have brought it upon myself and partly to blame. And as of now I’m just trying to put my best foot forward and do what is in the best interest of myself. But it is just so confusing. Like when is it enough. How do you know? I just don't understand. Bla! My mind is seriously in a whirlwind but only I can make the choice to stay or leave. Like how do you know if something is meant for you or not? It is such a werid feeling. I guess I just need to grow some balls Lindsay and go with my intuition on the situation.

Any who on another note, i went to Bloomington (Indiana University, one of the top party schools in the country) this past weekend and had a complete blast! I know I am getting a little older to be going to college parties. But dahwell. It was just what I needed and I got to see my sister. As you can see above I was quiet inebriated.
My sister had a quote on her refrigerator that said, "If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got." This is so true in my current predicament. Something has to shake.
I know this post is pretty vague but I don't know what else to say.
 My girlfriend, Maria, is moving to Dallas today. We had a little going away party/outing for her this past Friday. Here is a picture from dinner of all the girls. Maria is in the yellow. She took pictures of me last summer when she was starting her own photography business. Check them out here.
Hopefully now I will be back on track with my posts. :)

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